Shadow Of The Void

The impossible had become possible, much to the Doctor’s astonishment, and he was still trapped in a daze of disbelief. It felt like a dream, and he had to continuously remind himself that it wasn’t.

Initially, after it sunk in what had happened, he had been angry. His wound up emotions that he had held caged for almost a year had unleashed in wrath; he had shouted, stormed around, glared, told her that she would be responsible if both universes collapsed, destroying billions of planets and zillions of lives. She had merely smiled at him, telling him that she expected he would say so. That statement alone had been enough to warp his outrage into unbound relief and joy at seeing her again.

Introducing Martha to Rose had been...awkward.

“So you’re Rose, then,” Martha said, looking the blond up and down.

Rose blinked in surprise. “Heard of me?”

Martha let out a snort and couldn’t hide the roll of her eyes. “Heard of you!”

Rose gave the Doctor a questioning glance, her eyes filled with curiosity, wonder.

“Well, I told her that I only take the best,” he quickly cut in, not giving Martha the chance to continue. There were things from the last year that he did not want Rose to know. “Like you,” he said with a broad grin.

The smile she gave him was enough to make both his hearts stop.

It had been a bit taxing, catching up on things, hearing about her family in the other world, how she’s been living, how she managed her way back, how she found him. When it came his time to tell his own story, how Martha came to travel with him, the things they’ve been doing, he sputtered out vague explanations and let Martha do most of the talking, interrupting only when she ventured into territory he didn’t want broadcast.

Some of it, however, he simply could not prevent.

“...and he had to snog me pretty good to transfer the stuff,” Martha said smugly.

Rose blinked with wide eyes, hurt and jealously flashing behind them. A lump constricted his throat and he found he couldn’t look at her. He glanced at Martha desperately, silently begging her to stray away from that part, but she didn’t seem to notice.

“Oh,” Rose said quietly. “Really. That...must’ve been interesting. First day you met, yeah?”

Martha nodded vigorously. “And I had to do it back to him later. Nearly died, then, didn’t you?” She gave the Doctor a teasing grin and elbowed him in the shoulder.

This was going all wrong. The emotion displayed on Rose’s face made his insides churn; that kiss meant nothing to him, she had to know that. Surely she knew.

“Well, same thing happened to me, once,” Rose spoke up a moment later, her voice a bit stronger. Martha whirled to stare at her, completely taken aback. “I was dyin’ and the Doctor kissed me in order to get everything out to save me.”

The Doctor busied himself with the TARDIS console, the awkwardness of the situation weighing down so hard on him he just wanted to disappear. Why did humans have to be so naive and competitive?

When he risked a glance in their direction, they were regarding each other icily.

Despite how long he had spent regretting the things he had never done, never said, and no matter how badly he wanted to now, he couldn’t bring himself to do any of it. And he hated himself for it. Here Rose had done the impossible and found her way back to him from an entirely different universe, breaking through all barriers of time and space and dimensions, leaving behind everything, just to see him, and he couldn’t even get himself to tell her that he had missed her. But then, this may have had something to do with the fact that Martha hadn’t once left them alone since Rose came back.

He could feel Rose’s eyes on him like searing burns; every time he looked at her, he could see her anxiety all over her countenance. She was expecting something from him, waiting for it, and he was pretty sure he knew what.

“I love you.”

“Quite right to. And I suppose...if it’s my last chance to say it...Rose Tyler–”

She had said it, the three words that had so long been hidden behind each and every look and gesture for two years. The words that he had known to be true, but were like golden honey to hear spoken. He had been about to go against everything he’d ever resolved not to do, everything that he was, to reply to her confession when the connection had been cut and her image vanished.

Part of him eagerly wanted her to bring it up, because he certainly couldn’t do it himself; yet the other half of him was terrified of her doing so and hoped that she wouldn’t.

After a while, Martha excused herself for the night, opting to go to bed. The Doctor felt a mix of relief and panic, feeling nervous being alone with Rose.

Oh blimey, I’m really mucked up, he thought to himself.

From the moment she’d vanished in front of him, he would’ve given anything just to see her one last time, and now he was scared to even be alone with her. Since when did he ever feel awkward around her? She was the one person he had ever felt so completely at ease with, the one who always understood him best, who trusted him so completely.

Once Martha disappeared into the corridor, Rose sighed contentedly and moved to stand closer to the console; touching it tenderly, she smiled at it fondly. “Took me a good six months to get used to sleeping in a normal bed without any TARDIS sounds,” she began casually.

“Missed her, did you?” he asked with a bit of knowing grin.

Rose’s smile turned from affectionate to melancholy, and even bathed in the turquoise light of the rotor, the long restless nights she spoke of could be seen in her face. “Yeah. I did. A lot.” Looking up at him shyly, she added, “Missed a lot of things.”

“She’s missed you, too,” he said quietly, indicating the TARDIS. Coward, he scolded himself. Why not just tell her? It’s not like she wouldn’t like to hear it.

Her grin became lopsided and skeptical. “How could she miss me? She’s got you, yeah? And Martha. And Jack, apparently, at one time. Been busy around here.”

The underlying tone of hurt, of sorrow, betrayed her words. When everything should be brilliant and happy and just perfect, it wasn’t any of that at all. Even now, the air around them was bristled with unspoken words, her confession to him so long ago hanging thickly between them. He wanted so desperately to make that strain go away, for things to return to how they used to be.

“I...” His voice dropped out and his mouth worked soundlessly a moment before he spoke again. “It’s good to have you back, Rose.”

Her eyes settled on him directly. “Yeah?”

“Yes,” he answered instantly without a second’s hesitation. He accompanied his reply with a reassuring, crooked grin, which she returned shyly.

Turning away from him, she glanced around the room. “You seem to have been doing well. Still got the TARDIS, still gettin’ into trouble, from the sound of things, and not stuck on your own.”

“What’re you gonna do?”

“Oh, I’ve got the TARDIS. Same old life. Last of the Time Lords.”

“On your own?”

Was she begrudging him for having another companion after having told her that he would go on alone? He frowned, wondering if she had truly expected him to live the rest of his life on his own. The look in her eyes, absolute love and pain for him, that had been there when he nodded in response to her question flickered across his mind. No, he decided firmly. She didn’t want me to be alone. She never wanted that.

“Well, you know,” he began with a casual sigh. “Traveling the universe gets quite dull when you’ve got no humans with you to muck everything up and ask the silly questions.”

Genuine light filled her eyes and she laughed softly, shaking her head at him. “Still think your so impressive.”

“Only cause I know I am,” he grinned cheekily.

Absolute adoration and love glimmered in her eyes and it made him short of breath, made his hearts beat slowly against his chest in threat of stopping outright. He had almost forgotten what it was like to have her look at him like that.

Striding cautiously towards him, she looked him over, then plucked playfully at the lapel of his suit. “New suit, yeah? I like it.”

“Do you?” he asked with raised eyebrows. “Had no one around to judge it when I tried it on. Could’ve used your amazing Tyler opinion. Not that I really need anyone’s opinion, of course. Have a brilliant sense of fashion, I do.”

Instead of receiving a smile, the corners of her mouth turned downward in a mild frown as her forehead wrinkled in confusion. But it was only there for a second before she tried to cover it with a half-hearted smile. “Didn’t ask Martha, then?”

“She wasn’t here,” he answered quietly.

Their eyes locked briefly and a million different words and expressions and possibilities flew across the Doctor’s mind in a chaotic storm, all of them colliding and exploding together so that he couldn’t keep a straight thought. There was so much he wanted to say to her, all the longing and pain and heartache that he had fought so hard to bury surfacing in a massive bubble inside him, ready to burst at any second.

“How long–” Rose’s voice cut off, she ducked her head and swallowed hard, a bit nervously, before looking up at him again. “How long was it after...between me and Martha? I mean, when did you...When you met her, was it...”

“A few months,” he answered, sensing her discomfort. “Give or take. Not sure how long exactly.”

Liar. He knew exactly how long it had been, down to the very last second. Even though he had spent a good portion of the time trying various ways of distracting himself and recklessly getting into all sorts of danger, and the days had bled together, the lines between the hours smearing and blending with endless mourning, he knew the exact time up until now how long it had been since the moment her image bleeped out from before him. But of course he wasn’t about to tell her that.

She didn’t seem too upset at his response, and she offered him the tenderest of smiles. “I’m glad. Really. I wouldn’t...I didn’t want you to be on your own again. Always better with two, yeah?” Her grin widened. “Martha seems like a good person to have around traveling.”

“She is,” he replied swiftly, perhaps a little too swiftly. “Took a bit of getting used to, though. Not nearly quite so agreeable as you,” he said with a grimace. “And she teases the TARDIS too much. Poor ol’ girl’s been through enough already without having some little human come along to criticize her!”

“I’m sure she loves her,” Rose said. She was gazing at the console and rotor fondly again, her eyes glazed over with memory and tears. But the moisture was gone in an instant and she asked, “You two get along well?”

“Oh, I dunno. I guess so, more or less.” He scratched thoughtfully at his earlobe as he looked the TARDIS up and down. “She still has the occasional hiccup and mucks up the location, but–”

Rose laughed and smacked his shoulder. “Not the TARDIS! I meant you and Martha.”

“Ohhhhh,” he breathed, dragging out the word. Then his face scrunched up and he shrugged. “S’ppose so. Got our differences. Think she holds a grudge against me for popping in and interrupting things. Good to have her around in a spot of trouble, though. Clever girl. Quick thinker.” But she’s not you, he wanted to add–the words snagged in his throat.

Rose was chewing on her lip as she took this all in. She stopped the moment she realized he was watching her.

“Doctor...” She took a step forward.

This is it, alarmed in his head. This is it, this is it, this is it. Oh, Rassilon, this is it. Nervousness and fear tightened his throat, clenched in his stomach. He waited with baited breath, eyes locked steadily on Rose, never once blinking. He tried to think of a way to swerve from the topic, to bring up something else entirely, but all he could manage to come up with was: this is it, she’s going to bring it up, she’s gonna say it.

A year of devastation, heartache, longing and love all swirled within her irises, glossed over by a thin layer of tears. A year ago he would’ve taken her in his arms and held her as long as needed in comfort, but now he could hardly keep breathing and the thought of moving was far from his mind, except maybe to back away.

Rose wrung her hands, staring up at him desperately as her mouth worked soundlessly. When her voice finally came, it was weak and trembling. “Doctor, I...” She paused, then snapping her head to look at the rotor, she said more strongly, “So where’re we going? Anywhere specific?”

The tension gripping the Doctor’s body dwindled under the weight of intense disappointment...and relief.

Blinking away the momentary shock of such a sudden turn of topic, he grinned at her mischievously. “Well if I told you it wouldn’t be much of a surprise, now would it?”

“Do I get any hints? Future? Past? Name of the planet?” She stuck her tongue out at him teasingly, her eyes sparkling with a familiar light that he used to see every day.

He shook his head. “Not prying any information from me, Rose Tyler. You’ll just have to wait and see.”

She pouted at him and he returned it with a smug expression.

They lapsed into silence; not the comfortable, at ease silence that used to blanket them in warmth and familiarity, but instead a strained, pregnant quiet that somehow made the air feel heavier. The Doctor swallowed hard and rubbed awkwardly at his neck.

Rose was the first to break the silence. “Should get some rest, then, if we’re heading out soon. Been a busy day.”

Panic twinged inside him, not wanting her out of his sight. What if it turned out this all really was a dream, and once she walked away, she wouldn’t come back? What if–Oh stop it! he told himself. Don’t be ridiculous. She’s not going anywhere out of reach.

“Right,” he agreed, “Sleep! Good idea. Get refreshed and re-energized for another new adventure in time and space after a year away, ey?”

The smile that touched her lips was faint and sorrowful, pain flickering across her eyes, along with excitement. “Something like that, yeah.”

Their gazes locked and held for a moment, each waiting with baited breath for the other to speak. Rose opened her mouth as if to say something, and he braced himself–but with a slight sag of the shoulders, she closed her mouth and pressed her lips together in indecision. Then, “G’night, Doctor.”

He only nodded at her in response and watched her retreating form until she disappeared from his line of sight. Once she was gone, he shut his eyes and slowly exhaled, trying to ease the coil of anxiety tight around his mind.

She’s back. She’s here. She’s real, he chanted silently. Tears burned behind his eyes and he hastily pushed them back, turning to work on the TARDIS. The day’s events played through his mind, and he couldn’t concentrate on anything but Rose–her beautiful smile, her melodic laugh, her playful teases, her caring, honey-colored, glistening eyes, golden-silk hair...

A harsh sigh of utter frustration rushed out his mouth and he roughly scrubbed a hand over his face and ran it through his hair.

None of this was going right. Not right at all.





The ringing pang of the metal floor rattling beneath feet stole his attention immediately, his head snapping up in their direction. Hope and excitement bubbled up inside him so intensely he could have bounced and skipped around the TARDIS and grinned until his cheeks hurt. But the feeling died as soon as he saw that it was not Rose, but Martha.

“Well, blimey, you don’t have to look so disappointed,” she frowned at him, sounding a bit offended.

“Disappointed?” he blinked, feigning all innocence. “Me? Why would I be disappointed? Never! I’m not disappointed, not at all!”

Martha crossed her arms as she regarded him knowingly. “Whatever you say, Doctor.”

“Clever girl,” he beamed. “I always knew you were smart.”

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “So...how did things go?”

“Miss Jones, I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about,” the Doctor said simply as he tinkered with random bits of the console.

“With you and Rose,” she said bluntly. “After I left. You talked, yeah?”

“A bit,” he replied shortly.

Martha studied him silently for a moment before saying, “You look bloody awful.”

Finally stopping his motions to look at her, he made a face. “Well, that was rude.”

She ignored his attempt at diverting the subject. “If it were anyone else I’d say it’s from lack of sleep, but I know you don’t do that.” She frowned at his lack of defense on his appearance and superior body function. “You didn’t tell her, did you?”

“Tell who what?”

“You’re not fooling anybody, you know.”

“I didn’t know that I was trying to.”

Before either could say anything further, Rose entered the room. She didn’t look any better than the Doctor, her face drawn from restless hours, her eyes droopy with it, the skin under them puffy and slightly pink. The sight of her made the Doctor’s hearts jump up to his throat and he beamed at her.

“Morning, sleepy head!” he greeted loudly. “How was your first night back on the TARDIS?”

Rose opened her mouth, paused, then tried again, offering a wavering smile. “Good. Brilliant. Great to be back.”

“You don’t look so good,” Martha pointed out, her voice toned with mild concern. “You alright?”

“I’m fine,” Rose answered, somewhat bitterly, her eyes sharp as she stared at the other woman.

Her weary appearance hadn’t passed the Doctor’s notice either, but he wasn’t one to inquire about it in front of a third party. He didn’t want to make Rose uncomfortable, after all. No, that would be quite rude of him indeed.

“Great!” he cut in, getting both women’s attention. “Ready to go then?”

Not waiting for an answer, he hurried his way passed them over to the door, picking up his overcoat on the way.

“So where are we?” Martha asked with a genuine smile, moving to stand next to him.

He beamed excitedly at her and said in a low, mysterious voice, “Come and see.”

They stepped out of the TARDIS into the sunlight and the scene immediately drew gasps from both Martha and Rose.

“Oh, wow,” Rose breathed, her eyes drinking in the beautiful alien world.

The sky was the softest of lavenders and creamy clouds swirled across it like cotton candy. In the distance, off to their left, was the expanse of an ocean, its waters a rich, dark navy blue that caressed a silver beach. Somewhat inland from the shore, huge spires of sparkling crystal jutted upward into the sky, glowing under the rays of the sun.

“It’s amazing,” Rose commented breathlessly, her eyes wide in awe.

The absolute stunned expression on her face made of the Doctor’s hearts soar, their joy surfacing on his face in smile. He knew this would be a good restart for Rose, somewhere relaxed and breathtaking.

“What’re those booths and people down there?” asked Martha, pointing down the valley.

He followed her gesture. “Ah! That’s what we came for! This is planet Lythila, and every year the people here hold this huge–and I mean huge–festival that lasts for days to celebrate the beauty of the Lythe: those are the crystal pillars.”

Martha glanced at him somewhat perplexed. She opened her mouth to say something, but Rose spoke first.

“Oh, I love it!” Rose looked at the Doctor with the largest of smiles, her face aglow with pure joy and excitement.

He itched to reach out and take her hand, to intertwine their fingers, like they used to. But the very idea made him nervous, awkward–besides, it would make Martha feel left out and uncomfortable and that would be quite rude of him. So instead, he slid both hands into his pockets.

“Well let’s not stand around here all day!” he exclaimed. “Let’s go take a closer look!”





Rose had thought it would be weird going to alien worlds again, but it was more natural than driving a car to work every morning. Oddly enough, what felt most out of place was being around the Doctor again. Things between them were different now, had been from the moment she arrived in this universe. He seemed to shy away from her more than he ever had, and it hurt.

They had been unwillingly separated, she had told him that she loved him, for a year they each believed they would never see the other again, and the Doctor was acting like things were just the same as before. Except less.

Conversation with him was not so at ease as before, and now, walking beside him on the beautiful alien world through the festival grounds, he had both hands buried deep in his pockets rather than intertwined with hers, like he used to do. Perhaps...he really did not love her; at least, not in the way she would like. To him, maybe they had just been good friends, and she had scared him off with her heartfelt confession.

She didn’t regret having told him that she loved him, and she didn’t regret leaving behind her family for him–she loved him, and the TARDIS, enough to take what she could get, no matter how little it was. But it still pained her that he could go on so casually as if nothing had ever happened or changed.

A faint, sad smile touched her lips; so like him to move on as if nothing had ever happened. Maybe not so much had changed after all.

“For being back traveling and in the middle of an amazing carnival on a beautiful alien planet, you look awfully put-out,” Martha’s voice broke through her thoughts.

Rose snapped back into reality and looked at the other woman. Martha was watching her with something of a frown, her brow furrowed in...concern? Vexation? Irritation? Whatever it was, Rose was annoyed by it.

“Something wrong?” The Doctor had caught onto Martha’s statement and was now looking at them both with an arched eyebrow and wide eyes. “Don’t like the festival, Rose?” Disappointment could not be hidden in his voice or the lines of his expression.

“No, I’m fine, it’s amazing,” she said quickly. “Just...” Her eyes locked on the Doctor’s, his chocolate orbs gazing intently back at her, sending a shiver racing down her spine. “...can’t believe I’m really here,” she finished airily.

How desperately she just wanted to hug him, kiss him, do and say all that she had vowed so long ago to do if ever she saw him again.

Something in the Doctor’s eyes altered; she couldn’t place what it was, but it sent off wild butterflies in her stomach. She sent all her heart through her gaze, hoping he would see there everything she wanted to say aloud. She must have succeeded, because he quickly looked away and began rambling on about the different events in the festival. Trying not to feel so rejected, Rose followed him and Martha and did her best to have a good time. She was on an alien world, after all, traveling through time and space once again when all had believed it impossible.

As they strolled passed a large crowd sitting enraptured by an act being performed on a stage, Martha pointed out, “They have plays here!”

Two aliens were in the middle of a sword duel, a third trying to stop them.

“Shakespeare,” the Doctor identified. “Romeo and Juliet.”

“Shakespeare?” Rose repeated, looking back and forth between the play and the Doctor. “Here? On an alien planet?”

The Doctor looked somewhat miffed. “Just because he’s human you think the rest of the universe can’t know about him. Mind you, Shakespeare’s universally well-known!”

“And I was half expecting you to tell me he wasn’t human at all,” Rose smirked.

“That’s what I thought when I first met him!” said Martha, excitement displayed across her features.

Rose blinked at the woman, stumped, piecing things together. “You met Shakespeare?”

Martha nodded with a smile. “Yeah, was my first trip in the TARDIS.”

“She didn’t believe the TARDIS is a time machine,” the Doctor explained indignantly. “Had to do the ol’ girl justice.”

Rose couldn’t help the amused grin that stretched over her face. “Wish I coulda been there to see that conversation.”

“Where was your first trip with ‘im too?” Martha asked Rose.

Rather than feeling intruded upon by this inquiry, Rose felt eager to relate the story. “Oh, he took me to the year Five-Billion to watch the Earth burn.”

Martha’s eyebrows shot up.

“How d’you think I’d do with a rapier, Rose?” the Doctor interjected at random, his eyes trained on the sword fight on stage. “Handle myself pretty well with a sword.”

“You? A sword?” Martha snorted in disbelief.

“Oi!” He frowned at her in offense. “I am! Rose, tell her. You saw me. Saved the planet, I did. Right after being sick, too. True proof of skill, that. Even got my hand lobbed off, still won the fight. Would’ve been fun, though, with rapiers. Didn’t fancy that huge two-handed sword; too heavy and slow.” He scrunched up his face at the memory.

“You seemed to do pretty well,” Rose said with amusement.

“Oh, I did, definitely,” he said smugly. “But still, rapiers would’ve been better. Then I could’ve said something dandy, like, ‘Draw thy rapier and face me!’ Rapier. Fun word to say. Try it! Rapier, rapier, rapier–”

“When was this?” Martha questioned, looking back and forth between them.

“Christmas day, two years ago,” the Doctor replied. “Huge alien spaceship–”

“Floating in the sky, the one from Mars,” Martha finished.

“They weren’t from Mars, they were Sycorax,” Rose corrected.

“Lovely people,” the Doctor commented cheerily.

“You two were there? Up on the ship, I mean,” said Martha in all astonishment.

The Doctor gave her a huge proud grin and wiggled his fingers of his right hand at her. “Got my hand cut off!”

Rose shook her head at him, grinning. “Think that’s so impressive, don’t you?”

“Well it is, innit? I know you were impressed, Rose Tyler! I saw the look on your face! And Jack thought it was, too. He told me so.” He wriggled his fingers again. “Still completely functional. Does everything I need it to.”

“Still gives me the creeps,” Rose teased, eyeing his slender fingers waving playfully at her. His hand, so warm, so protective, so safe, always leading her across the universe, sharing the beauties of time and space with her–a hand for her to hold. She had felt so lost without it, without him, for the last year.

On instinct, she reached down and slid her hand in his. It wasn’t until she noticed him staring at her with a slightly surprised expression that she realized what she had done. Blushing furiously, she tried to pull her hand back, but his fingers automatically tightened around it, keeping a firm hold on her as if with no intention of letting go. Shyly drawing her eyes up to his again, she offered a soft smile, which he returned with his own lopsided grin that made her stomach back-flip.

“Come on!” he began with a renewed sparkle in his eyes and a lightness to his voice. “There’re better things to do here than watch an ol’ Earth play we can see anytime we like.”





A few hours later, the Doctor and Martha sat at a table in the food court, the lavender sky now a dark violet as the sun dipped down behind the ocean’s horizon. Rose was off in the distance returning their dining utensils to the counter, and taking her time picking out some alien candy to try. Not once had the Doctor’s eyes left her, watching her with a smile settled pleasantly on his lips.

“She’s waiting, you know,” Martha spoke up.

Pulling out of his deep musings, he looked at her. “Who’s waiting for what?”

“Rose,” she tilted her head toward their blond comrade. “She’s waiting for you to say something. You are going to, right?”

All emotion drew back behind a stone mask and he said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He hastily looked away from her, setting his eyes firmly on Rose.

“You don’t have to pretend with me, Doctor,” Martha said somewhat irritably. “I’ve been with you for over a year. Rose has come up in conversation more than once. You mentioned her practically the first step I took inside the TARDIS. And some of the things Jack said–”

“So you think you know everything now, do you.” His voice was firm, dark, warning.

Martha was unperturbed by it and went on. “It doesn’t take a genius to figure out how much she means to you. All it took was the first time you mentioned her for me to know she was someone special.”

Two large aliens were now drawing uncomfortably close to Rose, starting up conversation with her. The Doctor’s eyes narrowed, watching intently.

“For God’s sake, Doctor, you bloody erased your entire life to get over her!” Martha pointed out, earning herself a sharp glare from him. “You’ve got her back now and you’re just wasting time.”

“You don’t understand,” he said curtly. All the risk, the danger, the inevitable, Martha didn’t understand any of it. She couldn’t possibly. No one could.

He sat up straighter upon seeing a disturbed and angry look on Rose’s face, her expression hardening as she spoke to the two aliens. They seemed unswayed by whatever she was saying, and laughed it off.

“You’re afraid of losing her again,” Martha stated. “Not acting on your feelings isn’t going to keep her safe. You of all people should understand that things don’t work that way. You need to stop acting like a sodding git and take advantage of the second chance you’ve got.”

“What do you care anyway?” he said distractedly, most of his attention focused on what was happening with Rose. The aliens were beginning to ignore personal space, and Rose looked highly uncomfortable and angry.

Before Martha could answer, one of the aliens reached out and roughly grabbed hold of Rose, yanking her in close. The Doctor was on his feet in less than a second and racing over to them. Anger flared and burned through him and the instant he was within reach, he violently grabbed hold of the alien’s arm and twisted it around, using his other hand to shove the creature face-down against the food counter.

Rose called out his name, as did Martha, and surrounding people screamed and gasped at the violent commotion. The second alien had his weapon drawn and aimed directly at the Doctor’s head.

“Come near her again and I’ll break your arm!” the Doctor snapped at the alien squirming in his grip.

“Release him before I blow your head off!” the second alien demanded.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing!” Martha scolded, coming up beside him. “Doctor, let him go. Rose is fine. Everything’s fine. Just let him go. Now!”

The Doctor glowered down at the alien with absolute fury, his teeth gritted and his eyes clouded over in dark emotion.

“Doctor...” Rose’s gentle voice came from behind him, and he felt her hand against his shoulder. She smiled shakily up at him. “I’m alright. Let’s just go, yeah?”

After a quick glance at her to be sure she was okay, and realizing what he had done, the Doctor let go of the alien and stepped back as if he’d been burned. In a blur, the alien whirled around, drawing his own weapon, a scowl darkening its features.

“You’ll pay for that, little man!” it spat viciously.

Both aliens now stood with their guns aimed at the Doctor, bristling with anger.

“Hold on a tic,” the Doctor began, holding up his hands in gesture of surrender. “Just lemme explain–”

The end of the alien’s weapon lit up with a huge energy burst; the Doctor ducked out of the way just in time, the food boxes behind him exploding from the blast. People everywhere screamed, pandemonium filling the food court as tourists raced back and forth in absolute panic.

The Doctor already had a tight hold on Rose’s hand, tugging her along behind him as they ran from the scene, more pulse blasts whizzing past them and impacting with surrounding benches and booths. People rushing by, knocking into him and Rose, almost broke their link, but he automatically constricted his grip on her hand and pulled her in closer. Martha was at their heels, keeping up without much difficultly.

The moment they made their way around a corner a good distance away from the chaos, the Doctor pulled Rose in enough to keep her well concealed, then peered around the corner to make sure they hadn’t been followed.

“That went well,” Martha said, brushing her bangs out of her face.

The Doctor spun around to Rose and immediately gathered her up into his arms, holding her so tightly against him she was standing on her toes. “You okay? Did they hurt you?” he asked against her hair.

“N-no,” she answered breathlessly. “I’m fine.”

He simply held on to her in silence, his racing hearts calming, the adrenaline coursing through his body dissipating. She was unharmed, alive, safe, and in his arms. He smiled faintly, feeling elated–it was just like the old times, getting themselves into ridiculous trouble and running for their lives, hands clasped tight together. Getting into trouble and running from it hadn’t felt this good in a long, long time.

Realizing that they had an audience, and the embrace had already lasted too long (he was beginning to crave more physical contact than he should), he reluctantly let go of Rose.

“What’d those blokes want from you?” Martha asked, looking caught between mild irritation and embarrassment.

“Just a couple of guys out lookin’ for a good night,” Rose explained, a slight tremble in her voice.

The very idea of any other creature laying hands on Rose sent a jolt of protectiveness and jealousy raging down to the Doctor’s core and he clamped his jaw shut tight. “We should get back to the TARDIS.”

“Good idea,” Martha agreed. “Before we get ourselves into anymore trouble.” She glanced at Rose again, her features hardened with concern.

They started their way back to the ship, and this time, the Doctor didn’t hesitate to take Rose’s hand in his, his fingers locked in possessive grip.





Rose had gone to take a shower, leaving the Doctor alone with Martha as he contemplated where to take his companions to next. After a good half-hour had passed in silence with the Doctor playing around on the console monitor, Martha looked at him disapprovingly.

“Are you ever planning on saying anything to her?”

“I say stuff to her all the time!” he declared with a hurt expression. “I tell her about the places we go, the history, some of my past adventures–”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” Martha scolded.

“Dunno what you’re on about, Jones,” he said innocently, jumping up to distract himself with the TARDIS controls, hoping she would drop the subject.

With a heavily exasperated sigh, Martha put down her text book and stood to leave. The Doctor made no attempt to stop her, too relieved that she had resolved to leave him alone. Her prodding was spurred by concern, he knew, but he was never one to openly discuss his deeper emotions and musings.

When she reached the corridor, Martha turned to face him again. In a gentle, somewhat sorrowfully tone, she told him, “Don’t add this to your list of regrets, Doctor.”

His movements froze and he stiffly looked over at her. She met his stare steadily for a moment before continuing her way out.

Reflecting back on what she had said to him at the food court, he at last admitted to himself that she was right–on all accounts. She had read him like an open book and at the time it had angered him. He was given a miraculous second chance with Rose and he was carrying on as if he had never lost her, never loved her, when he should instead be taking full advantage of the extra time given them.

“Don’t add this to your list of regrets,” Martha had said. He knew with a certainty that later on he would regret not making use of this time; he already had so many regrets concerning Rose.

But it just wasn’t that simple, nor so easy.

Why not? he asked himself. No matter what he did, whether he acted on his feelings or not, Rose would one day be gone for good–and it would, inevitably, hurt.





The long, hot shower left Rose feeling cleansed and refreshed physically, but mentally, she was even more lost than before.

The day had been both enlightening and befuddling.

It seemed, at the beginning, that he did not want to be anywhere near her, always walking ahead, never taking her hand; yet when she had instinctively slid her fingers around his, the sparkle of joy in his eyes had been unmistakable. The simple gestured had apparently softened the tension between them, for they had spent the day just like they used to, laughing over past journeys and gawking at the new sights before them.

And then came the incident at the food court.

Seeing the Doctor angry wasn’t anything new. She had witnessed him at his peak, when she had practically felt the rage rippling off him. But that had always been over something of a much grander scale, involving monumental consequences, time-line mix-ups, billions of lives, or some unimaginable, twisted agenda–never over some blokes seeking a pleasurable night with her.

If it were anyone else, she would classify it as jealousy; but this was the Doctor, he didn’t get jealous...Did he?

He was confusing her more than he ever had, enough to make her head hurt and chest to ache.

Jackie had warned her about this.

“Sweetheart, I know you don’t want to hear this, but...What if you get back there an’ he’s moved on? What if he doesn’t want you anymore?”

Mickey burst out laughing, earning a glare from Jackie and a baffled look from Rose. “That’s bloody ridiculous. You’ve seen the way they looked at each other, Jackie. And I’ve traveled with ‘em. There’s no way the Doctor’d turn down Rose. Not in a million years.”

Rose stared at him, stunned. How could Mickey be so certain when she wasn’t?

“I know he cared about her!” Jackie snapped at him. Turning to Rose, her expression softened slightly. “But does he love you, Rose? Like you do him? I couldn’t bare to let you go back, on your own, if he’s only going to break your heart. He’s done it once already, I’m not going to let it happen again!”

A gentle knock at her door broke Rose away from her thoughts. “Rose?” Martha’s voice came from behind the door. “Can I come in?”

“Um, yeah, sure,” Rose called, hastily wiping at her moist eyes and tucking her hair behind her ear.

Martha came in quietly, closing the door behind her before turning to face her. Her lips were pursed and she shifted uncomfortably. “I just...wanted to talk to you for a minute, if that’s alright.”

Momentary fear pitted in Rose’s stomach. She’s going to ask questions; she’s gonna tell me to keep away from the Doctor. Shaking off such thoughts, Rose offered a friendly smile. “Of course. What’d you want to talk about?”

Taking a few steps forward where Rose sat on her bed, Martha opened her mouth to begin, hesitated, then said, “It’s about the Doctor.”

Anger prickled Rose’s skin; nobody, and no thing, in the universe could tell her to stay away from the Doctor.

“Well, you and the Doctor, to be more specific,” Martha breathed out with a faint smile.

“What about us?” Rose regarded Martha icily.

“I...I don’t know a lot about you, Rose,” Martha began gently. “But from what I do know, you definitely left an impression on him. The Doctor. He...You’re a real hard act to follow, you know.” She smiled awkwardly. “Even when he didn’t say it, I felt like he was comparing. Just with a look or the way he’d say something.”

Surprised, Rose blinked in silence, not sure what to say to that. She wasn’t even sure she quite believed it. “I don’t think that he’d do that,” she stated carefully. “The Doctor likes to travel with people. He moves on from one to the next. It’s how it’s always been.” There was more of an underlying sadness in her tone than she realized. “I didn’t even know he’s had other people here before until I’d been with him for little over a year. Never said a word about it. Not about any of them.”

She didn’t know why she was telling Martha all of this; maybe she wanted to sting the woman with what future she had ahead.

Martha shook her head. “Well, he certainly didn’t let your name go unspoken. I was hardly in the TARDIS for ten minutes before he mentioned you, and the fact that he’d traveled with other people before.”

Shock parted Rose’s lips and widened her eyes.

“Listen,” Martha sat herself down on the edge of Rose’s bed, “in the time I’ve been with him, things have come up, things have happened for me to know with a certainty that you’re important to him. It’s not just from things he or Jack said, but...” She paused, averted her gaze and pressed her lips together in a tight line.

“What?” Rose urged gently.

“He’s missed you, Rose,” Martha spoke again, her voice now a weak whisper. When she looked up again, tears were building in her eyes. “He’s so damaged without you that he had his entire memory, his whole life, completely erased.”

The news hit Rose like a brick wall and she couldn’t breathe. Her brain felt numb, and when it finally sank in, she gaped. “He did what?”

Nine-hundred years worth of traveling through space and time, of loved ones, of his entire planet and race, the TARDIS, and he had it all erased simply to get over her?

Martha’s expression was shadowed with guilt. “I’m only telling you this ‘cause I think you need to know. He’d never say anything himself. You know how he is.”

“I can hardly believe it,” Rose said, astonished. “I mean...That’s...”

“Yeah,” Martha nodded. “I hated him for it. Wanted to smack him over the head.” Raw pain weakened and cracked her voice. “It was so hard, seeing him...” She shook herself, then said, “Anyway. Point is, he loves you. He’s just being a hard-headed git right now ‘cause he’s too scared to do anything about it. He can face entire armies and monsters, but when it comes to the other stuff, he just...”

“Tell me about it,” Rose said lightly, smiling in understanding.

Her mind was buzzing in shock and relief and joy and love and disbelief all at once. Martha was, without a doubt, sincere, genuine–Rose felt dumbfounded, too overwhelmed with emotion to think straight.

“I love ‘im,” Martha admitted quietly, causing Rose to snap upright. “I really do. I mean, how could I not? You know what he’s like.” She smiled fondly. “And I can’t stand seeing him make himself so miserable when you’re standing right in front of him. After all he’s been through the last year, I won’t let you two dance around each other like nothing’s ever happened. Driving me mad, you are.”

Rose tried to swallow the large lump tightening her throat. “Martha, I –”

“Go to him, Rose,” Martha interrupted quietly, staring her directly in the eyes. “He needs you.”

Rose sat frozen, staring dumbly, stunned. Martha gave her a gentle smile before rising to her feet to leave. Just as she reached the door, Rose found her voice.

“Martha?”

The other turned to face her.

All care and friendliness and gratitude bubbling inside Rose surfaced on her face in a warm smile. “Thank you.”

Martha snorted and rolled her eyes. “Don’t thank me. You two need a good head-bashing. Hurry up and go snog the guy before I drag you in and make you do it.”

Rose laughed, as did Martha, and they shared an understanding gaze before Martha finally left the room.

For a moment, Rose simply sat, beaming to herself, letting all the information sink in. Just as she decided to go see the Doctor and straighten things out and opened the door to head to the control room, she looked up to find him standing in the corridor, just as surprised to see her as she was him.





Keep walking. One foot after the other. That’s it. I’m going to do this. I am. She’s here, after I thought I’d never see her again for the rest of my long and miserable life, and she’s still young and healthy and she loves me. She broke down all barriers and left behind her family to be with me. I’m not going to ignore that. I’m going to do this. I can do it. I can do anything.

The Doctor kept his eyes locked on his trainers as they carried him toward Rose’s room. Brow furrowed, he repeated the chant, not allowing himself to think anything different. For once in his life, he was going to tear down his self-given rules and do what he wanted, what felt right, more right than anything in decades.

Stopping in front of her door, he took in a deep breath and slowly let it out with a puff of his cheeks. He glared at the wood as if expecting it to do something. Much to his surprise, it opened.

Rose stood on the other side of it, blinking at him, clearly startled. “Doctor?”

For a split-second, his brain short-circuited and he simply opened his mouth in desperate attempt to speak. “Um...I’m...Um...” He glanced passed her into her room. “Can I come in?” he managed to say in a rush.

Surprise flickered across her face. “Y-yeah! Sure, of course you can.” She stood aside to let him pass.

Strolling in with both hands stuffed securely in his pockets, the Doctor looked around the place. Pain and longing clenched in his stomach, a frown pulling on his features. He hadn’t been in her room in so, so long...

“I was just gonna come and see you,” Rose’s voice pulled him from his thoughts.

Realizing what she said, he blinked at her in surprise. “You were? What for?”

“Oh,” she averted her eyes and shrugged. “I dunno. But what’s up?” She looked at him again with eager, anxious eyes.

Gazing at her, he hesitated. There was so much for him to tell her, yet at the same time it wasn’t nearly enough. He didn’t even know where to begin. He never was very good at this sort of thing.

“Well I...” He stopped, swallowed, then glanced around the room again. “Looks nice in here. Not any different from before.”

Rose let out a silent exhale in disappointment. “Yeah, was just the same as I left it when I came back.”

They stood in heavy silence, both staring at different spots of the room. After a moment, they both tried to speak at once.

“Doctor –”

“Rose–”

They both stopped, and the Doctor smiled crookedly. “You first.”

Rose turned it around on him. “I was just gonna ask what you came here for.”

“Oh, that.” He shifted his eyes up to the ceiling and scratched nervously at his earlobe. “That,” he said again, as if mulling it over. Really, he was just stalling, reconsidering. “Um, that, well, that, is...”

The words were ready to burst out, but for some reason, he was keeping them at bay. He couldn’t get them out, couldn’t voice them, couldn’t even figure out what order to place them.

“Why don’t I go first,” Rose suggested.

“Yes!” he agreed readily, grinning at her. “You first. What were you gonna say before I so rudely interrupted?”

She worried her bottom lip as she gazed up at him, her eyes bright with raw emotion. “Since I got back, things with us have been...different. I mean, different from how it used to be. I think we both know why.”

He was completely still, his hearts beating slowly, as he watched her placidly. When he didn’t say anything, she ducked her head a moment before speaking again.

“Doctor, I...” When her eyes drew up again, they were glimmering with tears, swimming with such powerful emotion it felt like a blow to his stomach. “I’ve missed you,” she finished in a whisper.

A flood of memories and heartache rushed over him and he parted his lips, wanting so desperately to reply to her in equal fashion. “Rose...”

He had barely gotten her name out when she abruptly reached for him, yanking his head down into a fervent kiss. His entire body immediately went rigid and he blinked in shock.

Rose Tyler was kissing him. It wasn’t a matter of life or death, she wasn’t possessed by someone else–it was all, one-hundred-percent Rose. Rose, after having lost her to a parallel world where she was caged off from him for what he had thought would be eternity. Rose, after a year of living life in a too-big of a universe without her, diving head-long into the riskier, more dangerous adventures because he felt reckless and didn’t care anymore if he lived or died, because he was hurting. Rose, after remembering so many of the good times they had together just to grasp the last remaining threads of her presence, to cling to all he had left of her.

Her lips pressed in insistently against his, hot and craving, as her tongue took full advantage of his parted lips by plunging in to stroke his palette and run languidly over his top lip. Where her hands had been first clutching to the lapels of his suit, they were now creeping into his hair, nails raking over his scalp.

She pulled away before he had the chance to break through his shock and respond in any like manner. Heavy, short breaths escaped her mouth, puffing over his skin, and her hands slowly slid down from his hair to his shoulders. The Doctor still had his eyes closed, his entire body tingling from what had just happened; he was relishing it, holding onto it for as long as he could.

Once Rose’s breathing calmed somewhat, she spoke. “Doctor...?”

He opened his eyes only a sliver, just enough to see where her mouth was, before bending down for another kiss. She started in surprise, but then melted against him. Taking his hands out of his pockets, he placed them against her waist to pull her in bodily until her hips were settled firmly against his. She inhaled sharply, taking away a good portion of his breath, making the task of breathing while snogging a lot more difficult. He deepened the kiss, gently running his tongue over hers, causing her to shudder and cling tighter to his shoulders as she responded much more urgently. His palms wandered over her lower back, slowly tracing her spine upward and then back down again in a caressing manner. Tightening his arms around her, he kept her pressed firmly against him, one hand pressing in on her waist and the other against her shoulder-blades to keep her entire body connected to his. The pace of the kiss had turned to hot, heavy, fierce, and something inside him was stirring in a way that it hadn’t in years, decades–centuries.

So amazing, so astounding, this beautiful human from 21st Century Earth.

Sensing her need for oxygen, he broke away from her lips. Rose took in a shuddering breath and slowly opened her eyes, irises dark with raw emotion.

“You were right,” he began, his voice low and husky, “when you said traveling the universe is better with two. True loneliness isn’t something anyone should ever have to suffer. But what’s really the best, Rose...” he grazed his fingertips over her eyebrow, down her temple and cheekbone in a line to her bottom lip, the pads of his fingers brushing along its fullness before sliding down to her chin, “is traveling with you.”

Her cheeks darkened even more. “Yeah?”

He nodded softly, his fingers tracing the line of her jaw. “Yes.”

“I’ll be sure not to tell Martha you said that,” she teased airily.

His fingers tenderly stroked her throat, his thumb brushing soft circles over her skin. Her breath hitched and she tilted her head back slightly, trembling under his touch.

“I tried,” he began in a strained voice. “I tried so many different ways, so many times, over and over, to find a way to get to you.” He needed her to understand that he hadn’t walked away without a second thought, that he had held onto hope for some time, that he had tried desperately to reach her. He couldn’t let her think that he had abandoned her, that he hadn’t tried or that he hadn’t wanted to. She had gotten through to him, breaking through the Void to come back to him, when he hadn’t been able to do it himself. “I spent so long...” His voice died away as he placed a warm kiss to her cheekbone, then tilting her chin up, brushed a feather-light but lingering one to her lips.

“I knew if there was a way, that you would have found one,” she assured him, bringing her hand up to stroke her delicate fingers over his cheek.

A mixture of humor and sorrow touched his features. “Jackie must’ve not been too happy about you leaving.”

“She wants me to be happy.”

“Are you?”

“More than ever.”

His expression shadowed over with guilt. “I don’t know how long I can make happiness last, Rose. It’s been...This isn’t...I haven’t...I used to be good with this sort of thing, many, many centuries ago. Things were so different then, I was different, and–”

Rose pressed her finger to his mouth to shush him. “I fell in love with you for everything you are now, Doctor. And I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

There were no words for him to express how that made him feel, so instead he took her face in both hands and pressed his lips to the corner of her mouth in the softest of kisses. “You, Rose Tyler, are far too good for me,” he whispered, lips brushing against hers, breath hushing warmly over her skin.

Both his arms looped around her waist again, squeezing her to him as he leaned in to nuzzle at her ear, briefly flicking his tongue over the lobe.

Breathlessly, Rose asked, “This what you came here for?”

“Something close to it,” he murmured. “Although I probably wouldn’t have gotten so far if you hadn’t snogged me.” He smiled against her ear. “You?”

“Same,” she answered. “Had some help from Martha, though.”

He stilled, then leaned back to face her, brow furrowed. Rather than looking puzzled, horror flickered behind his eyes. “What did she tell you?” he asked in a barely audible voice, almost too afraid to know the answer.

Rose reached up to run her thumb caressingly over his eyebrow, then brushed through his hair. “Enough,” she whispered to him, then tilted her mouth up to his for a thorough kiss.

Whatever Martha had done, it must have helped encourage Rose that it was okay for her to love him, that he wanted this as much as she did, that she had every right to finally approach the subject that had been hanging between them ever since she came back. Feeling a hot, rattling sensation ripple through him as Rose pressed in against him and deepened the kiss, he decided he would have to remember to thank Martha later.




End